Stolen my heart
It’s more than a game
It’s more than the prize
It’s more than a selfish desire
Falling for you
Keeping sight focus
Thinking logically
Love could be more than that
Trying to reason trying to analyze
Like beating round the bush
Self-denial, self-debating
Getting nowhere in conclusion
It’s a sacrifice yet it’ll be worth it
Time will tell it all…and I’ll be waiting.

To hold you close, to see you smile, to hear you talk, to walk with you, to be with you, it’s a first class privilege that will even melt the hardest heart of all. Prudent, sensible, down to earth, qualities abound that my eyes were opened to. May not be the prettiest, not the smartest but it doesn’t matter. It’s the heart that makes the different. The heart that can even turn the sourest face to a grin, eventually from grin to a big smile plastered on the once-used-to-be sourest face. Nothing phenomena, nothing miraculously wonderful, nothing supernaturally great. Just the simplest detail in life and yet you can make a difference, that’s the difference. No wonder I’m gaga.

Overly Sated

There is always an itch that could never satisfy. The IRIVER SLIMX IMP 400 seems to be unable to fulfill that itch now. It used to be like “Cool, 650MB worth of MP3 on a CD”. Now it seems 650MB is barely sufficient. The CREATIVE ZEN NX has a staggering 30GB—30000MB HDD MP3 player. There’s also a 60GB version. Sleek and sexy too. Even though the IPOD looks cool but ZEN beats it hands down in terms of price. Or perhaps just get a external HDD for those accumulating MP3s. However, I’ll need to get a PCMCIA card for USB2 port for my aging (just 1 year) Fujitsu laptop (C6630 1GHz). Or perhaps get a firewire version which I can’t seem to find many though. Mostly are USB2 dominated on Ebay. The search quest broaden to Casio E-data EDB-300. Looks awesomely cool even though the 1 year old Seiko Kinetic lay faithfully on the table. The grass always seem greener on the other end. Are you over sating your life with excess? Even good things in life can be gluttonous. Christian Contemporary Music (CCM) is nice to listen to but it can end up zealously wanting to listen and get hold of more of them. Nichole Noderman, PC3, Michael W. Smith, Third Day, Jars of Clay, Vineyard, Amy Grant are all with nice lyrics and instrumentals but trying to fill the void with them can end up in a glut. No wonder Jesus stated that everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that He will give us will never thirst again; but the water that He will give us will become in us a well of water springing up to eternal life (John 4:13-14). Even fellowshipping with each other even more often and do more activities to fulfill the idleness and loneliness will sometimes end up even more depressed and lonely. “Be still, and know that I am God“(Ps 46:10). The psalmists definitely know that there is a season to take out the hectic ness in life and just be saturated in the presence of the Almighty. What are sating with in your life that truly satisfies?

Integration

The sacred and the secular. Should there be a distinction? Saintly on weekends but devilish on weekdays? No wonder hypocrites are flourishing. Like the business world, integration is the key. Business nowadays could not do without IT and the IT team should not code without the knowledge of the business processes. Likewise, ERP systems are hailed as savior as it integrates applications, databases and the likes together, without the constraint to only specific business functions. However, it is easier said than done. ERP systems have high failures rate during implementation. So it seems, to achieve true integration, business & IT should be so intertwined that it is indistinguishable, which is still yet unachievable. This ring true for Christians for Jesus Himself dines with the sinners. I’m not implying we should be worldly but our actions should be wholesome and with integrity, without comprise. We are in the world but not of the world. Just like business & IT, true integration happens when there is no distinction between sacred and secular since every moment is holy and dedicate to God. Sounds hard? So is the ERP system but once successful, the reward is far more worth it than the initial investment.

am i giving myself false hope?

Did God create Evil?

Found this interesting article from Caleb's blog http://calebgriffin.net/

At a certain college, there was a professor with a reputation for
being tough on Christians. At the first class every semester, he
asked if anyone was a Christian, whereupon he proceeded to degrade
any poor soul that timidly answered "Yes," mocking his/her statement
of faith.
One semester, he asked the question and a young freshman raised his
hand. The professor asked, "Did God make everything, young man?"
He replied, "Yes sir, he did!"
The professor responded, "If God made everything, then he made evil."
The student didn't have a response and the professor was happy to
have once again proved the Christian faith to be a myth.
Then another student raised his hand and asked, "May I ask you
something, sir?"
"Yes, you may," responded the professor.
The young man stood up and said "Sir, is there such a thing as cold?"
"Of course there is, what kind of question is that? Haven't you ever
been cold?"
However, to the professor's surprise, this young chap
replied, "Actually, sir, cold doesn't exist. What we consider to be
cold, is really an absence of heat. Absolute zero is when there is
absolutely no heat, but cold does not really exist. We have only
created that term to describe how we feel when heat is not there."
Then the young fellow continued, "Sir, is there such a thing as
dark?"
Once again, the professor responded "Of course there is."
And once again, the young man replied "Actually, sir, darkness does
not exist. Darkness is really only the absence of light. Darkness is
only a term man developed to describe what happens when there is no
light present."
The final question posed by our young friend went like this, "Sir,
is there such thing as evil?"
The professor responded, "Of course. We have rapes, and murders and
violence everywhere in the world; those things are evil."
The student replied, "Actually, sir, evil does not exist. Evil is
simply the absence of good. Evil is a term man developed to describe
the absence of good. God did not create evil. It isn't like truth, or love,
which exist as virtues like heat or light. Evil is simply the state where good
is not present, like cold without heat or darkness without light."
The professor had nothing to say.

Equlibria of love

Love knows no boundaries, being the ultimate sacrifice held high above all virtues. It is an intrinsic proponent of the Christian doctrine. God Himself is love, for He first loves us so that we can love others. Sadly, secularism’s love has propagated the doctrine of self-gratification. Me, myself and I. Individualism and humanism are the fundamental philosophies. Paradoxically, reasoning of love just as the justification of self-realization is more than a hypothetical thought. Infatuation brings about irrational reasoning and unexplainable process. God asked us to love Him with all of our mind, all of our heart and all of our soul. Loving out of obedience, with a constant interpolation of self-conscience, is feasible yet torturous in the long run. On the plane of the other extreme, following one’s heart alone and blindly, there would be no foundation to fall back on when things get rough. Ultimately, with all 3 components integrated, to put it crudely, it is cognitive yet passionate love. It will be a joy to love, not just for the sake of loving without intimacy. I would therefore propound a proposition that to love is to give 100% of our mind, 100% of our heart and 100% of our soul. Mathematically impossible? Well, so is the Trinitarian formula.

Holding back the floodgates
Tear manage to seep past
Imploding, yet still holding
Always hopes, always persevere
Though outburst could be inevitable
Patience is virtue…

Infatuated and enamored
Saturated in borderless sentiments
Perplexed and discombobulated
Faith dwindling down the gutters
Conflated with the saltiness from a shed
Yet rejoicing in life’s mysteries
Despite what had transpired
Confiding Him between mewls…

Holiness

Unworthy to be considered one? What is holiness anyway? What it takes to be holy? Not spiritual enough? Being pseudo spiritual to shake and rattle to convince ourselves? Taking step aback from intercessory prayer meeting into a mindset of a skeptic, a word flashes through… madness. Total madness. Chaos. Controlled chaos. Probably systematic chaos. However, in the midst of madness, a sense of belonging surge through. Even critics’ mindset undeniably have to admit an intangible sense of unity among the body of Christ. Correctness of doctrine or not, I do not know. Laying of hands brings that brotherly and sisterly act of saying, hey I’m here to support you. Nothing overly spiritual about it but just a down to earth gesture of affirmation of love. This draws parallelism when the blind man that Jesus healed said “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” Putting to extreme, the world definition of holiness is equal of being a monk locked up in some far away mountain, meditating 24/7. Is that holiness?

Intricate simplicity

Miracle? What constitutes miracle? Supernatural act? I am not trying to downplay and dilute the word miracle but every move we make and take I believe is a miracle in itself. Every breath even it’s a miracle. Breathing is so simple that it’s taken for granted. Thinking of its underlying biological sophistication, you will know there’s more to it than just of an intake and outflow of air. Looking at a tree on a windy day also brings miracle into perspective. Just by looking at how individual leaves are being rustled by the wind is no easy matter. The physics of the dynamic of the airflow on individual leaves are complicated enough to be modeled into simulation on a computer. Complexity haunts me. Yet I think. The saying goes “I think, therefore I’m depressed”. The process of thinking down to its most detailed details at whatever atomic level is just mind-boggling. Neuron, chemical reaction and electrical pulses between nodes have barely scratched the surface of its intricacy. People said science can explain away God but that is just quite the contrary. C.S.Lewis once said that he believed in the existence of the sun not by seeing it, but by it he sees everything else. I’m just trying to draw parallelism to the simplicity of the gospel. The gospel has intrigue historians and theologians alike for decades and pondered, debated over them and yet, its underlying simplistic message has been the same and will always be the same. “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). A statistic professor once replied his friend who queried about the mathematical impossibility of the Trinitarian formulae, where 1+1+1=1, the oneness of God and he answered “I am not acquainted by heavenly math.” The more we know it seems, the less we understand. So I would rather be a fool in the eyes of men than God. Men may think it’s foolish but what I really care is what matters to God… an audience of one. Even King Solomon lamented, for much wisdom comes much sorrow, the more knowledge, the more grief… meaningless… a chasing after the wind…
Hmm… maybe it is why it’s called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil… Well, I guess it should be rephrased to “I think, therefore I rejoice”.

A candle loses nothing by lighting others.

Barren, parched and scorched, yet set apart for difference.

Words

What are words? Strings of characters? Perhaps more. When God first spoke in Genesis, “Let there be light”, and there’s light. Powerful huh? John 1:14 says that Word became flesh… No other religion has ever has their doctrine of a personal god. Their doctrines of merely words are nothing compared to Christianity which says the Word became flesh, Christ Himself…At times, words we speak might seem innocent enough but yet, someone could stumble because of it. Words are edifying, yet words are destroying. Words are building, yet words are also tearing down. From words, ideas form. From words, designs flow from thoughts into tangible outputs. Isn’t that powerful? Skyscrapers, buildings, robots, cars are built from fundamental thoughts and communication with each others. From thinking into words, onto design paper and the final thing. The tower of Babel failed due to failure of communication. Words are powerful. Communication is vital in everyday life. From SMS to gurgling noise of a baby, humans are social able beings. Sadly, gossips have been the dominating form of communication these days, like it or not. Entertainment gossips on tabloids, scandals, make big splashes on media. Why? People gossips in order to feel superior to others, wanting to have more information at hand, to feel good… As decoys to cover their own nakedness, shame, self-rejection… But guess what? There’s no point to do that since Jesus came to cloth our nakedness with His glory, so that we can be righteous in God’s sight. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Thank God for His mercy! The world craves love, wanting to love and feel loved. Nonetheless, people find love at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or should I say love or lust? Or is it nowadays interchangeable? Has the word ‘love’ in today’s society degraded in terms of its richness in meaning? When God told Moses to go to the Pharaoh and bring the people of Israel out of Egypt, Moses asked, “What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?” And God replied, “I AM WHO I AM”. Many times, people seek names in order to grasp, visualize and conceptualize God. But God is a God without boundaries. He is the Kings of Kings, the Rock, the Alpha and the Omega… Words alone might not be sufficient enough to express our train of thoughts, our praises… So we lift not only our voices, but hands and banners as well to express our praise to God. God created us more than a mouth. We have our whole body. So let’s sacrifice our whole self to the LORD. People might think “Geez… must be a cult to do that” but let me tell you that the phrase is not asking you to physically kill yourself for God. Sometimes, you have to see deeper than its superficial side of words. It’s just that we have to learn to lay down our lives and let God take control. It is a sacrifice of your own will and pride, to live a life for God. God speaks to us through His Word, the Bible. Not only that, but through the life of Jesus Christ and His actions. So when you thought that “Geez… God never speaks to me”, think again, since He had spoken heaps through the Bible. And He has spoken in the net too, if you want to search the net for an online bible. =) Most of the time, our thoughts are conform to think that if God speaks, should be at least a verbal speech. But guess what? Even in the physical world, we have various sorts of communication methods, from VoIP (Voice Over IP) to 3G to IM (Instant Messaging). Well, I guess it should be fair enough if God doesn’t speak to us verbally, He can use other channel like circumstances, to mould us up in ways He wanted us to be. Bottom line is, words are words in the end and at the end of the day, whether your words make or break a skyscraper, it’s the actions you take to bring the words to pass. So talk the talk, and also, walk the walk !

NOW!

In Genesis, God did not create the earth instantly, but He took 6 days instead. He did not do it instantly, which I believe He could have. But instead He took time. Many times, our ‘I want it happen NOW’ seems taking forever but it takes element of faith to build our patience and trust on God. In comparison, it’s just like eating something we really like, say a really chocolaty chocolate or the best part of the dish which you save for the last. You would nibble and bite part of the chocolate to savor its flavor and texture. Gobbling down the whole bar seems such a waste. People sip wine to relish its taste, not guzzle down the whole cup like plain water. So cherish the time when things aren’t happening yet, for you will treasure it more when they happen.

Cyclical

When life seems cyclic, things started to get mundane, dryness starts to creep in. God doesn’t seem near at all and God seems like a far-fetched concept. The cup of first love which was supposedly to be overflowing seems to be leaking till parched and dusty even. Tram 48 seems to know me so well that I could seemingly hear it sigh as it screeches to a halt at the 49th tram stop. Another day. Another stereotypical day of going to university, bum around, come home, shower, and sleep. Life? Seems merely like mechanical procedure. There must be more than life to this. Paul sums it up this way, the way how we should really life to the fullest. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Rejoice? You might say. How can I rejoice when things go terribly wrong? When it started to downpour heavily? When the tram just whizzed past? And top it off, step into some oozy manure? Arghh…Things couldn’t be better. Yet, yes yet, Habakkuk proclaimed that though whatsoever circumstance struck, “Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.” (Habakkuk 3:18). Let’s put things in retrospect, with the mindset of Christ. Guess what? There is only one you, at this specific time, specific location which makes you, you and me, me. When you come to think of it, how unique is every individual! “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” (Psalms 139:14). The only person who walks out of 8 Houghton Street, takes tram 48 and then any tram from flinders up to Melbourne University daily it’s just me. No one can substitute that. That’s what makes me special because no one will trace through what I did, am doing or will do at such specific manner. So, when things feel recurring, praise God. For no one will experience your daily routine the same as you did, at that precise point, at that exact time. Uniqueness in cyclic routine is what life is all about when it is Christ centered.

Feeling is the fruit, not the root of salvation.

blank.silent.nothing.emptiness.loneliness.dry.Christ…Fullness.

In just 2 days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Wanting to love, reality sets in. Questions pounding, immaturity holds tight. Not willing to let go, maturity comes with a price. Heart beating, still not willing to confess. Why Lord? Take the emotions, take the feelings. But. You designed us to love, be loved. Is love prevailing? Purity of thoughts, purity of mind. Would have virtually fallen without your grace. Confuse, distraught, not being able to focus. Lord, have mercy. Hold on, hold tight. Life is like a rollercoaster indeed. Looking beyond to see the end painting is hard. Not understanding circumstances, I might be lost. Really lost. In the seas of wilderness. Press in, move on… Love is more than a fairy tale. True love waits… without compromise.

I do not claim to know it all.
There is too much to be known.
Complexity haunts, insecurities looms.
Thoughts wavers, sin abounds.
Seeking fulfillment, finding none.
I do not why but I crave for belonging
I don’t understand and I don’t know why....
But something somehow stirs deep down inside...
Putting faith and trust to the sovereign One...
Christ alone I exalt.

Crushes are beautiful, like a pretty flower. True love is like a tree, growing stronger each day, even at times it might not be pretty, but it’s true commitment from the heart and it doesn’t wither away as time goes…

At times, we ponder upon stuff that just doesn’t seem to have solution, yet we crave for one. We ask what is the whole point of going through all these ? Seek and ya shalt find…this is what the Word says. Yet at times, tiredness loomed over and the seeking process deteriorate. Purpose of livelihood seems endless yet seems nothing to some. Paradox I presume. The world is just full of paradoxes and seems no end to it. Facts contradict with morality of the world. What has becoming to the world, one may ask. End might be near, some says. Others lamented that paradoxes has loomed the earth ions ago and doesn’t seem that Armageddon is happening anytime sooner. Seek deeper within. Feel what makes your heart throb and stir. Amazing isn’t it ? One physical heart starts its beat since birth till death. An awesome piece of sophisticated mechanical implanted equipment. It just makes you wonder how marvelous must be the designer of us must be? Or is there one, you may ask. Have you seen stuff just pop out of nowhere randomly without a cause ? Weird , you may say. Well, that’s exactly what evolution is all about. Random process … scary. Imagine that at random place and time, you happen to be there to witness a sudden appearance of something in your bedroom. Magic? Or evolution? Or just totally rubbish ? you decide.